Quick Update

Well I am back...

Not that I actually have any readers but I guess since it has been over a year I can't blame anyone but me.

Since last year I bought a 12 acre farm and moved to the country. We bought 2 horse trailers and sold one. Took on 3 horses as boarders. I guess I also bought a truck and a car bringing the total to 7 vehicles. One of these days I will make some posts about each one of them.

Nothing Special

So I guess I will write on here again. It has been a long time but I don't think anyone reads this anyhow. Since the only other post I have was a recount of an adventure with a Fiero that I'm not even sure I finished.

Last weekend I worked on my 88 Camaro. It was giving me problems and I finally parked it when it started snowing. It would start and run fine but sometimes when it was cold after it warmed up it would start hesitating and bucking when you tried to accelerate. If this occurred in the beginning if you let it sit for a couple hours you could start it and it would drive just perfectly. This usually happened after letting the car sit for a few days while I drove something else. It would then continue to function normally until I went out of town for a weekend or drove a different vehicle for a number of days. The thermostat was also stuck open so it never heated up, reason 2 to park the car.

Anyway when I parked it due to snow it went further downhill and would barely run. Seeing as how I think the man I bought it from told me it had original spark plugs I figured this was probably the issue so I dug out the plugs, wires, cap, and rotor that I got this summer with full intentions of doing a tune-up. Now I have read that the spark plugs on these cars were hard to get to but DAMN! there are at least 3 of them I can manage to put one finger on the boot! So getting the boot off and getting a wrench down there was not going to happen in the time frame I had to do this repair. I figured since I had the cap, rotor, and thermostat I may as well replace them since they are easy to get to. This turned out to be a rather good plan since the contacts were all very worn by 20 years and 60,000 miles. The car runs great now. When it is warm I will probably find out how to replace those plugs.

The Fiero Project

Ok here is the story…

Day One: Friday August 6^th 2004

I found a pair of Fieros in a paper for $900. They needed some work and I convinced Bob that we should buy them. One is an auto (’86), the other is by default a manual (’84). At 8pm we call the guy and get directions. So we hit the road drive all the way to South County to check them out. When we get down there we can’t find the correct road to go down so we call him and he sends his buddy, who resembles Barney from the Simpson’s, up to meet us and guide us back to the house. So we drive down this curvy ass road and make a left then a right and start down this hill. Now I have seen some bad roads, but this one was worse than some of the worst gravel roads I’ve been down. This would not be fun to drive a car up that only has about 8 inches of ground clearance. There were giant pot holes and the hill was pretty steep and just when it couldn’t get worse it did and then we turned into a driveway. Behold White Trash Haven, in front of us was 2 faded red Fieros, a boat, a wrecked corvette that used to be pretty nice, a jeep on jack stands, a crappy Goldwing motorcycle, a primer grey Ford Fairlane, a convertible Chrysler Lebaron, and a blue Ford Ranger all in the same driveway/yard. Wow I can’t believe I remembered all that stuff. On with the story, I look over and immediately deduce that the Fieros are not going anywhere tonight. Both trunks are open and the air cleaners are off of them and they are obviously being worked on. The guy said they both ran and were in good mechanical condition. He lied. The 84 has descent interior, no rips or tears, it’s a manual, and it has headrest speakers. The 86 has shitty interior, its an automatic, it has a sunroof, and it has new brakes. The 86 barely runs and the 84 just doesn’t. He says they need injectors and they will run fine. So we agree to pay 50 more if he goes and buys an injector and installs it so we can drive the cars. We would return on Monday to check the cars out.

Day Two: Monday August 9^th 2004

I get up at the butt crack of dawn to carpool to work with Bob. After work we are going to go pick Jack up, who btw has no idea what we are doing just that he needs to wear not nice clothes, and head down to get the cars. Jack is useful because he used to own a Fiero and will be of use mechanically unlike Bob, who is a mechanical virgin. Sunday I called the man and he said he didn’t want to mess with the injectors and if I still wanted them he would knock 100 bucks off the cars. After work we drive to AutoZone in the worst of rush hour traffic and then go get Jack. We decide to take Lindbergh all the way to 255, it turns out to be much faster than 270 so we decide that is a good thing. By the time we get there we have decided that we are going to buy them if we can install injectors and they will run. When we get there we meet the guy’s son who was supposed to get this car, he is a big hoosier, who I will call Jed, and is barefooted and in camo pants the whole time we work on the car, we put him to work gathering tools as his girlfriend looks on disinterested. We install an injector on one car and, after some shooting gas and cursing, it works and the car starts and runs… for the most part. The other the car doesn’t start so we start screwing with all kinds of stuff to get it to work. We notice that the fuel pump isn’t on so we hotwire the fuel pump, then the injector doesn’t work so we mess with that, eventually, Jed proves useful when he suggests that we replace the computer, we put 2 and 2 together and decided that is a good idea, miraculously there is a spare because the guy used to have 3 of them. We install it, it starts. By now it is dark and we need to turn the lights on so, of course, the motors are burnt out, we unplug the motor relays and turn up the lights. So now we are ready to go, but wait the brakes are stuck and there is a dead battery on the 84. This makes for some frustration as the brakes cause it to be hard to take off and when the car dies you have to jump start it. (it sucks) Seeing as how I cannot kill the 84 because it won’t restart I hit the gas and bounce up the hill. So we roar (kinda, not really) out of the trailer park, after taking a wrong turn we almost make it to a highway when low and behold a sparkplug decides its services are no longer required and exits the motor, this makes the 84 very unhappy; as well as noisy and weak; and it belches off the radiator hose as well. Meanwhile the 86 decides it doesn’t really need to turn the fan on and overheats. So we pull into a gas station and try to come up with a solution. We buy coolant and put it in the 86. We happen to run into some nice guy that says he has a hose clamp at his house that we can have so we send Bob back into the boonies to get a hose clamp; “if I get ass raped you guys are hosed” he says as he drives off following the guy. Miraculously he returns (unmolested) with like 5 hose clamps and a free pair of pliers. We reinstall the radiator hose and refill the fluids and start the car, this is when we figure out the spark plug mutiny. We decide to try to drive home anyway and take off, the 84 decides it can’t run having only 3 cylinders and the lights on so we pull over again. This time we call AAA and have a tow truck sent, it is about 9:00pm, we have been there since 5 and we are only about 4 miles from where we bought the cars and we are damned hungry. Now where to take the damned thing, St Peters is 40 miles away and at 3 dollars a mile that’s a bunch of money. Think, think, think, Ben is at work, we don’t know how to get ahold of Monkey, Ahah, Rachel lives near here. So I call Rachel and talk to her Dad, He says sure just put it in front of the house. The tow truck arrives in record time and off we go, we set the car down in front of the Travers’ house and off we go with the 86. We finally get back to Bob’ house, starving, and eat and crash out.

Day Three: Tuesday August 10^th 2004

Bust out of work at 3:20 and tear ass down Lindbergh, back to South County to the Travers residence. When I get there I change and use my handy easy out and a hammer and remove what's left of the sparkplug. Wow magic, time to wait for Jack and Bob to arrive with my battery, so I hang out with Mary and smoke some cigarettes and drink a soda. The boys arrive and we install a sparkplug and discover that the fan belt is totally fucked up. Off we go to AutoZone off Tesson Ferry, quite possibly the worst AutoZone ever, anyway they get us a belt and we install it. Showtime we start the car and drive off as soon as we get on the onramp another sparkplug mutinies on us. So we can’t turn around because we are on an onramp. We hook up a tow strap and return to the Travers residence. After replacing all the sparkplugs, we then remove the tires and attempt to free the brakes, we makes some progress on them and for lack of tools we decide the car can probably drag them, we were wrong, the car is hooked onto the truck again and we are just going to tow it home. The car tows well and everything is going good. Around Earthcity I notice that there are sparks coming off of the rear tire, this is fairly alarming so I pull over to check it out. No sooner than I get back to the car do I see that the rotor is glowing red the brake line attached to the caliper bursts into flames and catches the brake fluid on fire. So that is super bad, now I have a plastic car with something resembling a blow torch coming from behind the tire. Suddenly I remember that I have water under the hood. I grab that and attempt to douse the fire, after several attempts and about a gallon of water it is out… mental note: invest in fire extinguisher. So time to bust out the AAA again, we make the call at 9:15. After sitting on the side of the hight way and calling AAA back like 4 times the tow truck shows up around 10:30. We load up and head out. Finally the twins have been reunited and are parked next to each other in Bob’s driveway. It is time for food beer smokes and sleep.

Day Four: Wednesday August 11^th 2004

After work I come home and we assess the damage to the 84 and decide to change the plugs on the 86. Off to AutoZone for more Fiero parts. Calipers, brake pads, sparkplugs, and dumbass torx bits because somebody thought those were a good idea. I work on my calipers and Dan changes sparkplugs or tries until he breaks one off (think he was going the wrong way) and busts his elbow up. It was a moment to remember, Dan’s first blood working on a car. Cough, cough anyway…. He had to go buy a smaller easy out because mine was too big. It worked and he changed out the rest of the spark plugs. I continued to work on my calipers and got both sides changed; unfortunately the brake hose was not on hand and will not be in until the 19^th. We test drove the 86 and it kind of runs like crap not sure what to do about that yet I’ll figure that out later. Stay tuned for the next exciting edition of “The St Peters Fiero Project”

This next section will not be as funny or detailed as the last because it is now March 24^th 2006 and I am continuing the story. I will focus more on the 84 as well. The order of these repairs is also all out of order and maybe somebody can figure out how they actually went because I cannot.

Part 5 August 19^th - ?

Changed the brake lines on the 84 and got the brakes to work. I think its time to take it to get the inspection.

Took the cars for inspection they failed various things and we now had another albeit short laundry list of things to fix. We fixed a couple of minor things brake lights and turn signals. The car died at some point on the way and we were forced to abandon it in the Walgreen’s parking lot while we went and bought a new alternator and replaced it. We replaced the front ball joints, calipers and pads on the 84 because the stopping power wasn’t very good on the car and we found that the front brakes weren’t doing a good job because those calipers were very stiff and we couldn’t loosen them up. Went to AutoZone and tried to order them but they were going to take a week and wanted to charge me shipping again. Fuckers… Went to Advance and they managed to get them the next day. Only problem is they gave me two driver side calipers. After this was remedied we finished that up and decided to go for a ride. On our way down the street going to somewhere (inspection?) Dan and I heard a loud bang and instantly had a James Bond smoke screen behind us. Now we knew something was severely wrong. Turned around and parked the car in the driveway. This repair is going to suck! I call Jack and the next day we pull the head and find something really neat. (pic) There is a hole, yes that’s right ladies and gents a hole big enough to shove my thumb through in the top of the #3 piston. What the fuck happened here. I research online and find that I can get a piston for like 25 bucks so I order one and start trying to figure out how I am supposed to change a piston while it is in the car. After some research I find that if you undo all the motor mounts and lift the motor up a couple inches you can remove the oil pan and push the piston out through the top. We accomplish this in the most white trash way possible, with 3 2 x 12’s, a chain hoist and a retaining wall. After we finally get everything unhooked and lifted up we remove the oil pan and the piston and then reinstall both of them. Then I decide to be really cool and reuse the head gasket, DO NOT do this it is apparently the dumbest thing you can do ever and you will never live it down, I think it is a cardinal sin or something, I did it anyway and when we drove it leaking occurred and the oil pan ended up flooded with coolant and we had to pull the head again and replace the head gasket again. After about 4 oil changes the mayo was thinned enough that I felt the motor had proper lubrication. The car finally passes inspection after this and I send the papers to my mom for registration in Kirksville. Mom gives me a call and tells me that my title is messed up and she cannot register it for me. Damn this starts over a year of total confusion on how the fuck I am supposed to get a clear title on the car. Note: it didn’t take a year, but I was very frustrated and would give up for months at a time. It was not fun but I finally got a clear title today on the 24^th of March 2006. Meanwhile I did some minor work on the car such as installing a temp gauge so I could see if the thermostat was working and shit. I removed the seats and cleaned the carpet and seats as it reeked of mildew. I also managed to drive the car to work several times with other plates on it. It has some crazy ass wiggle in the back of it that is kind of scary that I have to investigate. I have read that it is probably the control arm bushings or the rear tie rod end. Anyhow I am off to get my title now and then hopefully I will be able to get an inspection done next week. I may even be able to drive it with in two weeks.

There will be more stories of this car for some reason. I feel the need to write this shit down I hope you enjoyed it and I AM aware that my writing style leaves something to be desired but I’m not a poet just a shade tree mechanic that has a lot to learn.

November 2004

Well, the twins are out front, per usual on a weekend. Semi-drivable, then Bob gets a knock on the door. A sheriff’s Deputy is there with something in his hand asking if he is in fact Bob, stupidly he admits to his loserdom. Upon opening the letter, he reads a little bit then craps his pants. It is a ticket for having two unlicensed vehicles uncovered in the driveway. Apparently, it is illegal, but if you have a crappy-ass fence and your old beat to hell truck is visible in your backyard it is ok. He calls me up frantic and I tell him to have a drink, chill and wait for me to come home. We put out heads together and come up with the following solution: put one in the driveway and license the other. This proves to be the Best. Idea. EVER. I take the lead on getting it to run with as minor tweaking as possible. Bob proves to be a useful beer-bitch and tool monkey. After much cursing, we get it over to the shop to have the safety inspection on it. It fails two things, one was a taillight (that works) and some little thing that they fix. On to the emission inspection; we roll on into the emission inspection place they the folks gave us some odd looks. They hook up the tube to exhaust and drive it on so that the arrow lies on the line. Lo and behold it fails, not like a kid who studies hard and then can’t pass. This little Fiero was taking a advanced thermo-mechanical crystal process with a second grade education. Make another appoint with the same shop and they suggest doing three things, “smartly” it is decided only to do one. I am trying to remember, but I think it was something that controls the flow of gas from the injector. Inspect it again (free this time, pay once, good for a month) and it passes one aspect and fails two others. Take it in again and the shop replaces another component. The owner of the shop is a real nice guy and he says, “boys, if it fails again, go to autozone and buy an EGR valve”. We take it to the testing site again, with the latest fix, everything fails this time. So, off to get an EGR Valve and replace it. Now the ticket was to have the Fieros in a garage or licensed within 17 days from the time of the mailing, so by now we are down to 3-4 days. Bob got a lawyer and got it talked down just to court costs IF we get the thing licensed by the next time the inspector comes around. With the new EGR valve in place we get it inspected, it fails again. But! It fails every test less than the original levels and the amount of required money has been spent so we get a waiver! YAY! So on the following week, Bob goes to hell, err..I mean the O’Fallon Department of Motor Vehicles. The line is out the door and it is cold as a witch’s titty. After waiting for a while, he gets to the short mean lady, who I will refer to as short old bitch (SOB). The Sob takes less than a pity on our young heroes and asses an additional fine for late licensing of the vehicle. With a cruel cackle she assesses the payment before asking for the proper documents. After looking at the insurance, title, safety inspection, freshly acquired emissions certificate, taking a pint of blood, hair sample, and then takes another look at the safety inspection. An evil grin appears on her face, with taking cruel sadistic pleasure, she says that the safety inspection is out of date. Down and broken, Bob goes back to the shop who happily issue a new inspection certificate. With only one day remaining he returned to the SOB’s evil lair and magically she isn’t there. Without any trouble at all, he returns with proper plates for an undrivable car.

I may or may not post the rest of this story. As you can see its was awhile ago and the rest of it isnt very interesting.

Good Day

Hi,
If anyone ever reads this I would be amazed. I live in St Louis. I like to work on cars, drink beer, and occasionally ride horses. I grew up in the country. I learned how to hunt, camp etc. I went to college, was the president of my fraternity, met a woman and got married. I have a job, a house, 2 horses, 2 - 5 dogs and a cat. That is a rough summation of the current state of me. On this blog I plan on relating tales of my life. I am not a writer however so they will probably be barely legible and hard to follow at times. I do use spell check however so most of the words should be real actual words. My first second post will be a story about a pair of Fieros I wrote a couple years ago. The names may have been changed to protect something but the story is entirely true.